DaNoob: Pokemon Sun&Moon - a Vicarious Review

DaNoob reaches for new heights of noobiness as they attempt to review a game they've never played, best not to take them seriously, this is just what too much YouTube looks like...

I've never played a Pokemon game, but it looks like something I'd be into, although not so much I'd go out and buy a New 3D Lite 2DS XLi (and to think I was confused by PSVita not being PSP2?). The latest instalment has been greatly received by fans and critics, now I've watched some YouTube let's plays ... which obviously means I know better!

Nintendo have wheeled out another remake of a game that was great 20 years ago... only this time they've actually listened to fans and made some improvements, why it took this long I have no idea, other games have nailed some of these elements for years.

I mean how long does a game have to be around before characters have actual voices? I'm no expert on the 3DS (noob) but surely it's powerful enough to at least allow voices for the main story? Talking about the power of the machine, I've seen YouTubers refer to the awesome graphics and detailed environments... but all I can see is rough and blocky and nothing like a game from 2016, I've seen retro 8bit titles look sharper.  How does a 20 year old franchise expect to keep with the times and  only jump to 3D graphics 2 years ago!?









Apparently fans have been waiting for an ability to ride pokemon to travel round the ingame region, your pokemon that you can ride, they wont be battling alongside you, these ride pokemon are basically pokemon shaped vehicles!
so why has it taken so long? Seems like a no-brainer to me, and if there's one thing I know it's no brainers. Also I lose any hype for this new feature when I find out it's not







Having access to a feature called Exp Share early on also sounds like big deal... so we've had 20 years of this not being standard and no one thought it might be a good idea? Perhaps it wasn't such a common feature  way back but then most games allowed you to play with a party of several characters, not one at a time.Which means I'm still baffled by why team battles seem like such a breakthrough... this isn't something new people!

In place of any real innovations it's also good to have a new gimmick. The new Z-moves seem familiar.... they're activated by an odd dance that makes Dragon Ball Z's Fusion Dance look completely sane and sensible. This is then followed by a powerful aura from DBZ surrounding the pokemon and an over the top attack animation that ranges from great orbs of DBZ style energy to mountain destroying DBZ style punches. I'm starting to wonder of "Z-moves" got there name because adding the "DB" would have resulted in copyright issues. Does the (equivalent of a) letter "Z" have some significance in Japan?






Still perplexed I watch YouTubers being amazed by tweaks to battle that let you see what status effects your pokemon have... maybe the devs missed RPG design 101... although they are learning, the game can now show you which moves will be effective/super effective after you've fought a particular pokemon once which as there are now 18 types with multiple strengths and weaknesses is a welcome but overdue addition..

After battles there's a chance to interact with your team of tiny monsters, ok fine this is a good idea  for a series built on training monsters, a chance to do some actual training, or not quite. I'm not sure how it affects the game at all, from a company that also published NintenDogs I expected more.

It seems Pokemon is slowly being dragged into the modern era but still with some old school quirks (no autosave? On a handheld? Seriously?) and seemingly held back by it's hardware, a game with this many framerate drops would normally be crucified by critics, why has there never been a console release of a main-line Pokemon game? I'm not hating the games, they seem at least decent, at no way worse than any other RPG, and everyone seems to have an absolute blast playing it! I just can't get my head around the popularity,

I've come to the conclusion that Pokemon is the Batman of RPGs.

Why is it so good?

Because it's Pokemon!

Noob Reviews: X-Files (Season 1)

Hey, do you like procedural crime dramas? Maybe some of those paranormal myth busting programmes? What if somebody combined the two?

X-files plays out a bit like a backwards Jonathan Creek, after much investigation it's discovered that there isn't a clever explanation at all and it is in fact a monster/alien/government conspiracy. It's almost like someone had been watching Gravity Falls, travelled back in time 20ish years and created a more grown up version.

The first series is getting dated, even more than some niche staffers (BURN!), horror elements and special effects don't have the impact I expect they had first time round. On the plus side Molder and Scully are younger and somehow still crush worthy despite the best efforts of 90's fashion. Their relationship and the growing alien mystery keep things moving even through some of the weaker "monster of the week" type episodes.

Recommended for watchin' with no lights on, while dans la maison...

...And I did not know that song referenced Sailor Moon, apparently it's got the boom anime babes....

(Awkward pause as I realise half our readers only know Barenaked Ladies because of The Big Bang Theory)

Noob Reviews: It's Not Pokemon Go!

Even Pokemon aren't safe from... DaNoob

Pokemon Trading Card Game (TCG) is now available as a free download for PC and mobile, and never having tried the physical game before, I jumped straight in. And promptly got stuck on the tutorial...

Ok, once I realised I was an idiot I got past this stage and things started to make sense. The basic concepts were actually pretty easy to pick up. But knowing there's other cards, types, evolutions and not knowing what to expect makes it more overwhelming that in should be.

I got a handle on my starter deck and took out a few of the weaker AI opponents (like a boss)... and then I hit an electric type with an electric attack and dealt extra damage?!? Apparently everything I've learnt from games is wrong...Including that health counters go down after damage! In this game they go up... ok when I think about it, this is probably a feature of the physical game and would make perfect sense, but without any prior knowledge... I am not having any luck with this game!

My woes continued as I tried to build my first deck, a cunning mix of weak pokemon, underpowered items and broken evolution chains. The game allows you to compete online.. I am so not ready.

Despite myself there's a solid game here, I'm told it's a faithful recreation of the physical game and unless you're a complete idiot (no names) this version may be more accessible than the physical card game with the advantage of a readily available supply of opponents and handy sorting of electronic cards with the ability to save your favourite decks. 

Noob Reviews: Attack on Titan

DaNoob returns with another review:

I'm hoping a bit of Noob Appeal (it's a thing!) is enough to attract a few non-anime fans to this review, if it worked, thank me later.… This may be one to change your mind. If you’re a fan of shows such as Game of Thrones, you like gritty realistic survival (a la The Walking Dead), the drama of realistic people facing the horrors of war (akin to Platoon or Saving Private Ryan), and edge of your seat viewing where anyone can die at any moment, then you might want to look past your cartoon based prejudices.

Taking the hipster approach that I wasn’t going to watch this series, purely because it was popular, wasn’t my best move. Although more accurately, I didn’t think I had any other reason to watch it… it was popular but I couldn't see anything I'd be interested in - just screaming, crying and ugly giants. Thanks to the magic of Netflix I eventually caved, but by the end of the 5^th episode I had to wonder what I had gotten myself into… and took a break to recover.

What is this? The Walking Dead with 10 meter tall naked zombies? A gory Valkyria Chronicles? An animated Full Metal Jacket? There's some truth in each of those but AoT adds in a deepening mystery and plenty of twists with a bit of anime flare to the visuals and action sequences. And that action... dual swords are always cool but strap two of Batman's grapple guns to your hips and you'll never want to settle for something as lame as super-powered flight.

Very enjoyable, if enjoyable is the right word for a series that constantly crushes both the hope and life out of its characters but viewer don't despair; moments of daring do, rousing camaraderie and fleeting hope are enough to keep you coming back for more.

If you're looking for more "fun" with AoT check out Issue 12 of Niche: Treat Your Geek for a review of AoT High School. (Download the kindle edition here).

Noob Reviews: Dragon Ball Z Kai

After discovering Netflix DaNoob is back with another review and this time they are attempting to be a little more helpful:

Dragon Ball Z Kai is a remaster of Dragon Ball Z, with re-recorded dialogue, new/original music, a bit more tweaking and editing and gloriously long original episode titles. It’s also missing a lot of filler compared to the original with only around 100 English dubbed episodes and another 60 only in Japanese.

Coming into this completely fresh, without any prior knowledge of the franchise (other than a few memes) is an experience. Super powered beings blasting holes in mountains, powerful aliens invading, resurrections, transformations, even more powerful aliens and holes being blasted in planets... and that's just for starters.

I thought I understood what was going on, with all the snake roads and bizarre comedy/battle training, then the series blasts into outer space and the stakes are constantly raised, every new character is somehow unimaginably stronger (or even “off the charts” powerful - who makes these charts?) and as soon as you think you've figured out who is the strongest someone else’s power skyrockets… Half the show is people’s power skyrocketing, the other half is waiting for the hero to show up and even when he does he’s likely to spend 5 minutes explaining how quickly he needs to act before actually doing it...

Where was I? Oh yeah, I eventually got the hang of the OTT OP-ness (hehe) and quirky characters and then all of a sudden there’s an elite alien dance troupe to contend with? A group so powerful they are more concerned with theatrics than battle and they are nothing compared to what is to come!?

The show is all about the spectacle, Japanese humour and awesome battles but it manages to cram in some genuinely interesting characters. There’s a few break downs in logic, awesomely illustrated by an explanation as to why a character's uniform grew when he transformed into a giant ape, only to be followed by his complaint that there were no more in his size... It doesn’t take away any of the enjoyment though.

DBZ Kai is very well made. I’d happily frame some screenshots and hang them on my wall, particularly of some of the energy attacks and characters powering up. The musical score is high quality and memorable and surpasses a lot of blockbuster movies, every now and again sliding into Saturday morning cartoon theme and power chords. There’s a whole host of charmingly retro sound effects, my favourite being the one that sounds like a pac-man ghost. I’ve seen anime before (I’m not that much of a noob) but to see some of the animation, framing and cinematography from a show originally developed around 20 years ago is impressive, particularly compared to the things I was watching back then. It’s all awesome. A good chunk of the series also has a stand out villain who deserves to be as iconic as someone like Darth Vader but they have more chance to shine as a character, despite styling themselves after Ursula from The Little Mermaid.

I can’t say how much of the awesome is due to the remaster enhancements but if you want to try out DBZ, it’s a great starting point or if you want to relive your old favourite series without worrying about several hundred episodes then this might be the way to go.

Noob Reviews: Netflix

Time for something new... and another "new writer" for the blog, please welcome DaNoob...

Those of you still choosing between the basic 5 TV channels, I am about to blow your mind.

What if I told you, you don’t have to watch what "The Man" says you have to watch, you don’t even have to watch it at the specified time, hell, given proper safety precautions you could even watch your favourite show in the bath or on the bus?

Welcome to the magic of Netflix. 

Netflix is a service that uses a technology known as “the internet” to deliver entertainment in a fashion the kids are calling “on demand”.

You can pick from a vast library of content, find your favourites and watch them whenever and where-ever you like; you can even watch the same thing over and over or consume entire series in one big feast of entertainment. I think Netflix feast watching might be my new favourite hobby.

Netflix can take all of the stress out of finding something to watch, and is great whether alone, with a group of friends or with that someone special; you can just “Netflix and relax”…

…Hey, that might catch on.